Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The best revenge is premature balding
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
