how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize