You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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