a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
