I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
