Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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