They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
