I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
