So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize