I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
