He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
