This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Terrible idea I love it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
