I'm drive I can fine osifer
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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