i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
