Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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