You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
