I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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