all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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