dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
