weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
