I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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