found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize