i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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