I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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