Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
