her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
