Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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