miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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