Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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