absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
