If i come over, it means nothing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
