3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
