Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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