a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
