The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
