I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
