i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
