I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
