On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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