That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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