You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
