Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
