i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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