I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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