Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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