none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
