If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
