her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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