I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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