I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize