how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
