There is no way he is gay with that hair.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
