Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
