There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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