Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Still dying that you shit outside
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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