Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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