Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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