why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize