Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The best revenge is premature balding
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
