Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
