It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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