Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize