Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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