is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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