wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
