His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
