sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
