If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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