Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
