Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
