He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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