hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
