Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
