i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
