I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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