break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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